5

Sometimes, when I meet a friend (friend X, say) they will ask me about how another friend (friend Y) is going, with genuine concern about their well being. Friend Y might not be doing well, but I'm uncomfortable explaining this to friend X as it might be interpreted as backbiting.

At the same time, saying to friend X that friend Y is fine seems inappropriate, as it could be considered lying (or is, at least, misleading), which might obstruct friend X helping friend Y.

Nor can I easily explain "it's inappropriate for me to talk about friend Y negatively", as it implies that friend Y is struggling, which may again be interpreted as backbiting.

Question: When a genuinely concerned friend asks about another friend who is struggling, how can I reply in a meaningful way without it being backbiting?

This dilemma doesn't seem to be addressed here yet. The two most relevant backbiting questions I found were:

|improve this question
  • struggling mean ? – Mustapha Elbazi Dec 8 '16 at 23:24
  • 1
    E.g. struggling with money, not being happy in their job or relationships. Anything really. – Rebecca J. Stones Dec 8 '16 at 23:29
  • 1
    If you would say the same thing in the presence of the friend as in his absence, it's a good indicator that's not backbiting. – Noor Dec 9 '16 at 14:03
  • Sister it'll be hard to provide an exact answer for this question. But IMHO, if my friend X ask me about my friend Y who is going through this sort of circumstances, then simply I'll explain all the situation he is going through but I'll also add good things about my friend Y as well. – mmushtaq Dec 9 '16 at 17:45
  • @RebeccaJ.Stones In order to answer unanswered questions; Could you try specifying a situation (I.e bad relationship, lost work, lost a relative or such) that the one answering could base his/her answer? Which also would make it less broad – Kilise May 12 '17 at 23:32
1

Based on what I’ve perceived of your interesting query, I presume that in case it would be permissible (not backbiting) that it is related to: Helping in eliminating/preventing sin, and turning the sinner to goodness; in this case it is permissible to mention about badness, and backbiting is permissible only in right/correct intention, otherwise it won’t be permissible.

But, based on my perception/assumption in (diverse) parts of backbiting:

E.g., if your speech to your X (present friend) is necessary/profitable to eliminate your Y’s sin (or may be removing him/her from hard dangerous situation…), then it would be permissible; but on the other side, solely having conversion about (negative things/situation of) someone’s status which it is not a necessary/helpful conversion in its removing …, hence it doesn’t seem to be permissible, why? Since, as a rule of thumb, he/she (the absent person) won’t be satisfied that others have a dialogue about him/her in negative …

Source:

|improve this answer

Your Answer

By clicking “Post Your Answer”, you agree to our terms of service, privacy policy and cookie policy

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.