What to do if the husband wants oral sex but the wife thinks it's haraam?

Question

What is the ruling if the husband wants oral sex and believes it is not haraam, but the wife thinks it is disgusting and/or haraam. Does the husband have to just be patient and go without it, or marry another wife? Being patient may lead him to sin.

Answer 1

The wife thinks its haram, and some reasonable scholars agree it's haram (although not all)---examples are given in the answers to Is it halal to have oral sex with the spouse according to Sharia?. Here's one example:

Every form of oral sex is prohibited. There is no difference in the ruling between the front and hind parts. Sex is a human need and natural. However Shariah has emphasized on shame and modesty. -- Mufti Ebrahim Desai, AskImam.org

It seems unfair for the husband to attempt to bully the wife into this:

1. Whether or not it is a sin, the wife believes it to be a sin. It is not a good thing to intentionally perform an act one believes is a sin.

2. A reasonable person could argue that it's disgusting and dishonourable, and the husband should respect his wife's honor. E.g.:

   There is no doubt that (the request of) this practise from the husband of the questioner is a disgusting practise and obviously disliked. It also undermines the (good) manners between the husband and wife, and could possibly be a cause for (each partner) disliking (the other) and (leading to) separation (divorce). -- Shaykh 'Abdullaah ibn Munee' sourced from Fatwa-Online.com

Here's some directly relevant fatawa:

Therefore, we advise your husband not to force you into something that may lead to some prohibitions, and hence you are not obliged to obey him in this matter and you may reject his demand. -- IslamWeb

Based on the above, if the husband demands his wife to perform oral sex where the various types of fluids are avoided (as explained above), then she may not obey him whenever reasonably possible. However, if this is affecting her marriage in that the husband becomes greatly dissatisfied, then she may comply with her husband’s desire. -- Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam, Daruliftaa.com, sourced from IslamQA.org

What to do about it? I'd suggest the husband and wife discuss this, and find ways to perform sex which are safely halal and mutually compatible and enjoyable. Maybe it's possible to find some sex ideas through Google that they otherwise wouldn't have thought of.

Marrying another woman solely for the sake of getting oral sex strikes me as contrary to the purpose of marriage in Islam.

Answer 2

First of all, sexual please includes many acts, and oral sex is one of those acts, which are not among the Primary ways (like intercourse is, which no wife can deny). Hence, if wife does not likes it at all or is not comfortable to do it, then husband must understand it. There are so many alternatives to enjoy sex, all those halal ways can be used by mutual understanding to have enough pleasure. Also, its natural to have disgust for putting something of that area in mouth, it is common sense, not a rocket science. We are Muslim, so even during sex, we remain clean and pure, unlike animals, to do every disgusting act like animals.

Marriage is not about forcing your likes/dislikes on each other, but to go with mutual respect and mutual understanding. This relationship relies on Mutual understanding, not just by the view that "you must give me this otherwise i am taking another wife". If husbands start to have such attitude in marriage, then no marriage would be successful. so this attitude of husband is against islam, in which prophet Muhammad said to treat your wives good (forcing her to do oral is violating her rights, as she is not denying the primary sex act of intercourse, of kissing or taking of clothes,but just one optional act). She is her Wife, not his slave that only he has to force his obligations upon her, but what about her like and dislikeness? dont they matter? isnt she a human being with feelings and sentiments? Such acts are done on West and porn industry, where women are forced to do everything, without their will (like slaves), in islam, wife is not slave, she is husband's better-half

In this case (in my opinion) Husband is wrong and cannot force wife to do oral. In the end, He will be the one who will suffer and will never be able to have a healthy relationship with any woman (wife), in case he marries other.

Rest, Allah knows the best

Answer 3

It depends not only on the madhhab, but even within madhhabs there can be several opinions. The scholars I follow say it is not haraam at all, but if najis is swallowed it is makruh--still not haraam.

I am actually unaware of the act of oral sex being haraam in any madhhab; so if anybody can show me a scholar of ahl as-Sunnah wal-jama'ah who has opined thus, I'm interested. Jazakullah khair.

Answer 4

The bottom line is that it is not explicitly mentioned as haraam like sex during menses / after child birth or anal. The haraam verdict is by inference of scholars.

Now if the husband doesn't mind doing it to the wife and wife to the husband what is the problem?

They may dislike because they feel the parts are physically dirty then wash but in Islam we wash every time to the toilet.

They may dislike because of cultural background - perhaps born in a non Muslim / Western country they may be more open...

If one of them is a revert then he/she may be open to doing it as they did it as non Muslims.

Get my point?

Fruit flavoured condoms exist for a reason. That way the husband gets some fun and impurity is not released in her mouth. She also isn't putting him directly in her mouth....

Answer 5

Since it is not explicitly mentioned as "Haraam" in the Quran and Hadith collection, it cannot be considered Haram outright. However, there are other qualifiers to making something forbidden without calling it Haraam. For example, things that are considered forbidden through interpretation are graded as Makrooh e Tehreemi (disliked to the extent of being forbidden). As mentioned in previous answers above, the possibility of swallowing impure fluids is one reason, as is the fact that the wife considers it forbidden which makes it Haraam for her to comply. One more aspect of this that Muslims must consider at all times is one of respect. The mouth and tongue are used to recite the Quran, Zikr of Allah's Attributes and Salutations upon the Blessed Prophet peace be upon him. Therefore, using your tongue or mouth to touch the private areas (even when washed) should be considered an extremely abhorrent act and avoided at all costs. Allah and His Prophet (peace be upon him) know the best.

Answer 6

In Islam, the only thing prohibited in martial sex is anal sex. Some scholars say that anal sex makes a Muslim fold away from Islam. And no, oral sex is not a sin as long it is done in halal way by marriage. But for some of scholars it is disliked. Therefore it is not doubtful, and no prohibition of oral sex as a action it self.

If the wife sees it disgusting, she should bear in her mind that she should please her husband and obey him, whether she likes it or not, she absolutely should become accustomed to it, protecting her husband from illicit action outside marriage and to maintaining a healthy sex life inside marriage.

If your husband insists on this, you should become accustomed to it (maybe by practising at a banana, for example) and forget about the disgusting part, since oral sex to a man is pleasant, like oral sex to woman is.

If he does not insist (which I doubt), then it is even better for you. Remember that the best thing in this world is fair communication based on facts and arguments. Talk to each other.

So, oral sex in marriage is not harram.

And Allah only knows best

Answer 7

Sucking a finger is clean if you wash the finger first. Why would sucking the husband's part be dirty if it is washed and liquid is not emitted? As for the argument the mouth should be used for good things like dhikr, you could argue pleasing the husband is also good in this manner? Her hand is allowed to be used to massage the husband's part as is the rest of all her body e.g. Breasts (boob job) or feet (foot job) so why is the mouth an exception when the tongue can stimulate the nerve endings more than the vagina.

Why did the Hadith only mention not to have sex during her menses and in the anus when people have been doing oral for centuries before. Did the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم not know the words in Arabic to describe such?