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My parents found a match for me and we met each other and got engaged. My life immediately got better after we started talking to each other - I started offering salah 5 times (she does too). We call each other on Fajr to make sure we offer prayers on time. Everything was going great until I came to know about her past. She had relationship(s) in past and this hit me hard and I felt hurt due to that. I must admit that I am no saint and had a past too but I did repent couple of years before and never got into a relationship again, and always asked for forgiveness.

My question is - I did not go looking for a spouse but my parents did and I just agreed to their wish without asking many questions. I trusted Allah and still do, alhumdulillah. The thing is sometimes I get weird thoughts about her and her past and am scared about my future. I respect and trust her, and never ask her questions on her past. I know it's the present that matters but sometimes I get hurt whenever that topic comes up.

How do I build confidence within myself to accept how things are and forget the past? I am worried if she is the right person for me. I trust Allah for everything that HE does but just need some advice right now. I don't want to bug her by asking her question about her past because it might hurt her.

closed as primarily opinion-based by Sakib Arifin, Sassir, goldPseudo Nov 10 '16 at 22:49

Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

  • I need some more information. Are you from Indian subcontinent? Did she tell this to you? Do her parents know this? How did you know this? – Sakib Arifin Nov 7 '16 at 6:48
  • Yes, I am from Indian subcontinent. I got to know about it through Facebook. I asked her about it and she explained everything about how she got into a relationship and regretted it later. She did not want to say it to me directly unless I bought this up as her family had strictly suggested not to. Her mother and sister are aware of this, dad isn't. She says that what she did was wrong and she repents. I had a troubled past and was cheated before. So I'm worried. Please remember in dua. Thanks. – Koshur Nov 7 '16 at 7:10
  • Also, just to reiterate, I was in a relationship and committed sins too. However, I've realised that what I did was wrong and I fell to shaytan and did things to his will. I still pray for mine and her forgiveness every day. – Koshur Nov 7 '16 at 7:53
  • Salam and welcome to Islam SE the Q&A site about Islam. I strongly invite you to take our 2 min. tour and visit our help center to learn more about our site and model. Note that advice requests are hardly on topic here because they attract opinion-based answers and could also be qulaified as too broad! – Medi1Saif Nov 7 '16 at 11:22
  • My advice is make things clear: Either speak out what you found and let her tell you what she wants to tell without insisting on details or take her as she is now and forget about what you found out (note if you checked my FB account you may come to te conclusion that I support ISIS or Trump or whatever even if I don't have posted more than the minimum information about me in there) as it is meanless or make a clear cut as doubts are the worst thing in a relationship (a relationship needs trust and harmony)! – Medi1Saif Nov 7 '16 at 13:18
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Let me address your question point by point.

My parents found a match for me and we met each other and got engaged. My life immediately got better after we started talking to each other - I started offering salah 5 times (she does too). We call each other on Fajr to make sure we offer prayers on time. Everything was going great until I came to know about her past. She had relationship(s) in past and this hit me hard and I felt hurt due to that.

You said you had a relationship too. Why are you setting a double standard for her? Do you not think that it is injustice?

I must admit that I am no saint and had a past too but I did repent couple of years before and never got into a relationship again, and always asked for forgiveness. My question is - I did not go looking for a spouse but my parents did and I just agreed to their wish without asking many questions. I trusted Allah and still do, alhumdulillah. The thing is sometimes I get weird thoughts about her and her past and am scared about my future.

Almost everyone makes mistakes. She made one too. And you shouldn't have brought that up and she should have avoided you and conceal it. What happened in her past does not reflect her present. All this happened due to both of yous deficiency in religious knowledge.

I respect and trust her, and never ask her questions on her past. I know it's the present that matters but sometimes I get hurt whenever that topic comes up. How do I build confidence within myself to accept how things are and forget the past?

I think these thoughts and feelings are related to the culture of the Indian subcontinent. People in that part of the world generally prefer virgin women for marriage. The culture of where people live highly influence their minds. Interactions with people of different cultures might help you decrease these type of stereotypes. Quora is a nice site where you can interact with Muslims of different cultures and regions. And you can ask about your everyday problems to learn more.

I am worried if she is the right person for me. I trust Allah for everything that HE does but just need some advice right now. I don't want to bug her by asking her question about her past because it might hurt her.

As for my two cent advice, I suggest that you should seek Allah's help whenever these type of thoughts come to your mind (e.g. saying Astaghfirullah, Nauzubillah).

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