Does having doubts when re-reciting the shahada render it invalid?

Question

If you've read one my earlier questions, you'd know that I've been suffering from heavy waswas from Shaitan which lead to depression. Many people have requested me to learn more about Islam to clear my doubts. However, whenever I start doing research on Islam, I start suffering from anxiety.

Recently, I've decided to ignore all the doubts and just continue my life as a Muslim. I want to say the Shahadah again because I've said some pretty terrible things when I was talking about my doubts with my parents... things that just might have taken me outside the territory of Islam.

But the problem is that according to most Islamic websites, my shahadah will not be valid unless I say it with a pure heart.... in other words, I have to say it with absolute certainty that Islam is the truth. So basically, that means I can't just ignore my doubts and say the shahadah. And as I said, every time I try to research about Islam to clear my doubts, I start suffering from anxiety.

So what do I do now? I'm pretty sure some of the things I said to my parents turned me into a non-muslim. And at the same time, I can't return to islam because I can't fulfill one of the requirements of shahadah (which is certainty). I don't even know if Allah is accepting my salah anymore.

It's like Allah doesn't want me to be muslim. It's like He has already condemned me to hell.

Am I a hypocrite?

Answer 1

Tabraze Azam at SeekersHub addressed this exact problem:

...I struggle with words as my my heart wavers. I think this happened when i was reading about the essentials of becoming a Muslim. A person is a Muslim ONLY if he says this and believes in the heart with conviction without a single doubt otherwise he is a non Muslim. Reading that scared me. Now the problem is worse. So how do i know i am a believer? ...

(A): You are unquestionably a believer. This is all simply misgivings and misplaced knowledge. ... As mentioned previously, you are not responsible for your thoughts. Your hating them is sufficient proof that there is no ‘doubt’.

There's going to be hardline fatawa (e.g. Islam Q&A), but these things need to be put in perspective...

No one who prays in the direction of Mecca [lit: “people of the Qibla”] may be called an unbeliever, unless he willfully and repeatedly denies the legitimacy of established Shari‘ah law because he would then be denying Divine legislation. -- The Response

(In fact, these hardline fatawa were the reason The Response was authored.) Blips in one's iman should not be considered the determining factor as to whether one is a Muslim or not.

To put your concerns about the shahada in perspective, look at these Pew Survey results:

There is a sizeable Muslim population who do not accept the first pillar of Islam and are willing to admit to it in a survey. Going through those Pew Survey results helped me relax and accept being imperfect in matters of religion.

I like to recall the hadith:

(Image source: Pintrest.)

We're not required to, nor would we be able to solve every problem immediately. I just try to make incremental progress day by day and over time it adds up.

Answer 2

Adding to what Rebecca had provided, it is worth mentioning that of the famous Hadith of Usamah bin Zaid, in which Usama kills an enemy solider in a battle. But before he killed the solider, the solider professed the Shahada. (source)

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) kept blaming him, even after Usamah said that the solider only professed Shahada to escape death, and then prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said his famous phrase:

Why did you not cut his heart open to find out whether he had done so sincerely or not?

We might have our doubts here and there sometimes, and it happens to everyone. But one should try their best to repel doubts by studying more and learning more about the religion, and by contemplating the creation of Allah around.

Indeed, in the creation of the heavens and the earth and the alternation of the night and the day are signs for those of understanding. (Quran 3:190)

So since you confessed Shahada, and believe it, then you are fine. Just keep learning bit by bit, and you should be fine, Inshallah.

Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful." (Quran 39:53)

Answer 3

Just don't be so anxious with your doubts. Your doubts seem to be honest and Allah doesn't expect you to base your beliefs on uncertainty. You just need to take Islamic studies seriously until you find certainty in beliefs. I don't know about Sunni school, but in Shia Islam it is said that a Muslim should accept the principles of faith such as Monotheism and Prophethood based on some reason and evidence learned or developed by the believer himself. In other words, you can't accept Islam based on any authority other than your own research and reasoning. Consequently, the authority of Quran and Sunnah are accepted and followed only after their general truthfulness is established by independent reasoning and research. That's why some scholars developed the science of Kalam for rational substantiation of Islamic basic beliefs.