I'm seeking advice because I dont want to divorce my husband. However, I feel I'm left with no other choice.
We recently married back in January 2016, but things have been up and down. I have 2 jobs, school, and care for my 5yr old from previous marriage and my husband (well, at least I try). The thing is that we have gotten to the point that when we argue it has gotten physical. I just can't sit and ask tell him we need to talk without him ignoring me or getting mad and leaving. He blames it all on me and says it all is my fault about his miserable life. This breaks my heart, but I just want him to be more affectionate.
I am a recent convert to Islam--alhumdolilah! And when he is mad he calls me horrible names and yells that I don't deserve to be Muslim. I ask him for help in prayers and he says to look in YouTube. He talks about him being religious when in reality he prays 1 prayer once or twice a week. I try to cook for him what I can from Mexican to Arabic food, I clean, I want to massage him after he gets home from work or do nice things for him but he doesn’t want to and I merely sleep 5-6hrs while he sleeps 8-12. He doesn't help me around the house. I have no vehicle and hate to bother him for rides, so I ask my father most of the time. His life is just his work, hookah, and YouTube videos. He wakes up moody and showers, and leaves for work without me noticing. I admit I get upset too, but because I don't have his support and love the way I need, plus I feel so unmotivated and tired.
I pay house bills and his money is for his savings on his separate bank account. And when he does give me money, he asks me to pay him back when he gets mad. I tried going to counselling but they say he has to come but he refuses. It's like I'm better alone at times.
In all, I really don't want to divorce. I want him to change a tiny bit only.