I'm seeking advice because I dont want to divorce my husband. However, I feel I'm left with no other choice.

We recently married back in January 2016, but things have been up and down. I have 2 jobs, school, and care for my 5yr old from previous marriage and my husband (well, at least I try). The thing is that we have gotten to the point that when we argue it has gotten physical. I just can't sit and ask tell him we need to talk without him ignoring me or getting mad and leaving. He blames it all on me and says it all is my fault about his miserable life. This breaks my heart, but I just want him to be more affectionate.

I am a recent convert to Islam--alhumdolilah! And when he is mad he calls me horrible names and yells that I don't deserve to be Muslim. I ask him for help in prayers and he says to look in YouTube. He talks about him being religious when in reality he prays 1 prayer once or twice a week. I try to cook for him what I can from Mexican to Arabic food, I clean, I want to massage him after he gets home from work or do nice things for him but he doesn’t want to and I merely sleep 5-6hrs while he sleeps 8-12. He doesn't help me around the house. I have no vehicle and hate to bother him for rides, so I ask my father most of the time. His life is just his work, hookah, and YouTube videos. He wakes up moody and showers, and leaves for work without me noticing. I admit I get upset too, but because I don't have his support and love the way I need, plus I feel so unmotivated and tired.

I pay house bills and his money is for his savings on his separate bank account. And when he does give me money, he asks me to pay him back when he gets mad. I tried going to counselling but they say he has to come but he refuses. It's like I'm better alone at times.

In all, I really don't want to divorce. I want him to change a tiny bit only.

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    I'm sorry to say this is not the right website for your concerns. Good luck. – G. Bach Oct 15 '16 at 23:14
  • Salam and welcome to Islam Stack Exchange, a Q&A site about Islam. Please take our 2 minutes tour to know the basic functions of this site. If you want to know more about how this site works, check the help center. – Sakib Arifin Oct 20 '16 at 9:27

My advice is that you should seriously consider divorcing him or ask the elders to mediate for both of you. You wrote:

I pay house bills and his money is for his savings on his separate bank account.

If this is true, he is depriving you of your fundamental rights of the marriage. The prophet said:

... you have no right to treat them otherwise, unless they commit clear indecency. If they do that, then forsake them in their beds and hit them, but without causing injury or leaving a mark. If they obey you, then do not seek means of annoyance against them. You have rights over your women and your women have rights over you. Your rights over your women are that they are not to allow anyone whom you dislike to tread on your bedding (furniture), nor allow anyone whom you dislike to enter your houses. And their right over you are that you should treat them kindly with regard to their clothing and food.

Ask him to pay the bills, and he should. If he doesn't, you should ask the elders to mediate for both of you or leave him for good before you have a child with this fasiq (he obviously is one, because he doesn't pray properly). The prophet said:

Ar-Rubayy' bint Mu'awwidh bin 'Afra' narrated that Thabit bin Qais bin Shammas hit his wife and broke her arm --her name was Jamilah bint 'Abdullah bin Ubayy. Her brother came to the Messenger of Allah to complain about him, and the Messenger of Allah sent for Thabit and said:

"Take what she owes you and let her go." He said: "Yes." And the Messenger of Allah ordered her to wait for one menstrual cycle and then go to her family.

For learning prayer, this website would be very beneficial for you inshaallah: http://www.newmuslimguide.com/en/your-prayer

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