I am Noman, from Bangladesh, 8 months ago my guardian showed me a girl to marry who is my relative (my cousin's sister in law), after showing this girl, my mother went for the holy hajj and she showed positive attitude regarding this marriage, after that a relationship arose between us (that girl and me), but my mother has given negative decision after coming back from hajj. where she knows very well that we are in a emotional relationship. I asked my mother that why she does not agree to let me marry that girl? Is she a bad girl? my mother answered that the girl's status is not the same as me, and she lives in a village, that means my family is only concern to the social status. nothing else.

Please note, one of this girl's cousins is already been the wife of my other cousin and that marriage is done with the permission of all of my family members, but this time they don't agree.

In this situation i have done a mistake, that is- we got married in front of quazi and in that occasion two of my wife's cousins were present, and there were witnesses also, we still didn't announce our marriage to our family members because they will got hurt.

Actually we thought , our family issue will be managed, and we will get married again by their permission, but the scenario is different and not as we thought, my guardian is too strict and they are not allowing me to do so...... I am trying to manage and trying to get their permission but they are trying to make me walk on their way.

In this circumstance what should I do?

Now if I want to listen to my family then I'll have to divorce (secretly) that girl, and if I don't then I'll have to announce the marriage to society. so please advice what should I do.

  • As you are a man, in Islam you don't need a guardian and it's your decision whether and whom you'll marry (yes it would be nice if you had your parents agreement). In Islam there's nothing like a caste system, as such as system is haram. All peeople are considered as equal!
    – Medi1Saif
    Commented Apr 21, 2016 at 6:25
  • 1
    Assalamu Alaikum, I am from Bangladesh as well. Your need to provide more information so that I can answer it. Your parents didn't give you permission but did her parents give her permission? If they did then the marriage is valid. Commented Apr 29, 2016 at 16:26
  • thanks Mohammad Sakib Arifin, no , her parent did not give permission, even the dont know about this , only one of her cousin were there, and he is just her fathers sister's son. actually i was not agree, but she scheduced me to do it by Emotional activity. so please advice if you can make me more clear.
    – noman
    Commented May 17, 2016 at 5:25
  • your marriage was invalid, if she was virgin, and even if she was not virgin, seems it was invalid because it was secret, see hadith in comment by curiosity at Apr 27 '16 at 8:21 below.
    – qdinar
    Commented Jun 6, 2017 at 11:08

2 Answers 2


Personally, I would not advise you to marry a woman without both your parents and the woman's parents agreeing to it. Otherwise it could lead to problems in the future.

But are you trying to ask whether marrying her without telling your parents will be haram or not? If that's what your trying to ask, then you should know that your marriage will be halal as long as it meets the minimum conditions.

The minimum conditions for the validity of nikah are the following:

i) The consent of the guardian of the woman

ii) presence of witnesses

iii) offering and acceptance

iv) and mahr (dower).

Once the above conditions have been fulfilled, the marriage will be deemed as valid; but if these conditions are not fulfilled, then it will be considered as being null and void.

Source: http://www.zawaj.com/articles/marriage_in_secret.html

  • can you give references to ahadith for these "4" requirements? Commented Apr 26, 2016 at 8:31
  • On the authority of Abu Moosa may Allah be pleased with him that the Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), said: “[There can be] no marriage without a guardian.”[Ibn Hibbaan and Al-Haakim - Saheeh]
    – user16329
    Commented Apr 27, 2016 at 8:20
  • It was narrated on the authority of Muhammad ibn Haatib Al-Jumahi may Allah be pleased with him that the Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), said: “The difference between the lawful and unlawful marriage is the beating of the duff and the public announcement of the marriage.” [At-Tirmithi, An-Nasaa’i and Ibn Maajah
    – user16329
    Commented Apr 27, 2016 at 8:21
  • On the authority of ‘Aa’ishah may Allah be pleased with her that the Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ), said: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. If the marriage is consummated, then she is entitled to the dowry because she allowed the man to be intimate with her. If they disagree, then the ruler is the guardian of the one who does not have a guardian.”[Ibn Hibbaan, Al-Haakim]
    – user16329
    Commented Apr 27, 2016 at 8:21
  • To be honest, these are all I could find. But I'm sure most Islamic scholars agree on those 4 minimum requirements.
    – user16329
    Commented Apr 27, 2016 at 8:23

You have complete right to marry that girl.

However regarding emotional attachment, I wonder if you have more emotional care for a new girl than the parents who did everything for you all their life.

Ask your mom to do istikhara and do it yourself too.

I'm not sure about the references the other answerer used, but Islam has only 2 requirements for nikah: Willingness of both partners and 2 witnesses, period.

  • I don't know your background but i guess not only sunni people agree about 2 male witnesses and mahr. While a guardian is necessary to some extent ...
    – Medi1Saif
    Commented Apr 25, 2016 at 13:11
  • Your answer lacks evidences that's why I was wondering how you pretend something which has neither backup by quran nor sunna. The quran clearly quotes the mahr legacy.quran.com/4/4 and sunna emphasize on the guradian sunnah.com/tirmidhi/11/23 or sunnah.com/urn/1319560 for more details read here islamqa.info/en/2127 and here en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_in_Islam#Prerequisites
    – Medi1Saif
    Commented Apr 26, 2016 at 8:10
  • the aayat you quoted for "mehr" said itself that it's optional, if the girl doesn't want to take it,. also, it isn't needed right at the time of nikah. here we're talking about "compulsory things" dude, Commented May 4, 2016 at 23:18
  • The verse say you have to give it so when you want to get married an amount must be fixed in the 'aqd nikah. It also say that if -and only if- the bride agrees you can give a part of it only when the 'aqd is made and give the rest later.
    – Medi1Saif
    Commented May 5, 2016 at 6:54
  • 'if" makes it "conditional" :) not "obligatory at all cost", Allah knows better :) Commented May 5, 2016 at 12:16

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