Assalamu Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu.
I'm in need of advice regarding my marriage.

I have been married to my husband for more than 5 years and we have a child together.
I haven't worked outside home because he provides enough. So I maintain the house, take care of our child and I work voluntarily in Dawah around 2-3 hours per day online.

Normally I try to finish the online work before he comes back from work but sometimes it takes extra time because I need to chat with people and post in social media.

I am happy with what my husband is and is doing for me and my child alhamdulillah. But from time to time, he would say I never obey him and he doesn't want to talk about it because I never change. He said I'm always with the Internet and ignore him. But I don't feel so; I'm trying to do everything to adjust with his time. Sometimes I talk with my family or friends online, he wants me to quit it whenever he wants and he likes that I obey any order he gives. I talk with my family perhaps twice a week, with friends once in a while... I feel it's my rights.

A few days ago he said, I'm always disobedient to him and made him upset every day and He doesn't get love from me. This saddened me so hard so that I don't want to be his wife anymore. Every time he always made me feel I have fault in this or that. Always I'm wrong. I told him because I'm a human I can't be perfect but he is too yet I accept all his nature his answer was because I don't really need him that is why I never complain about him. Everyday I always feel I'm not enough to make him happy, I have to try to please him; I change everything to attain that. But after 5 years passed, it seems I am never enough to satisfy him. So I want to quit now better than later. I'm scared to go out and start to earn for myself and child but I'm so torn and I'm feeling psychologically miserable- I always felt that perhaps I was always wrong but lately I just realized that I don't want to try anymore. Now I feel that he loves to make me feel that I'm always not obedient enough, loving enough...

I want to be a good wife, mother and slave. I'm afraid I die disobedient to my husband while thinking that I am. Am I allowed to ask for a divorce?

BarakAllahu feekum

  • 1
    Talaq should always be the last option. If possible you should speak out things with your husband if necessary with a intermediate you both trust. And consider what would you do if your husband rejects giving you talaq, what would your relationship be like afterwards? And please note this site is the wrong place for asking for advice we only could try to answer whether it is allowed to ask for talaq, but in your case maybe an option would be khula'. – Medi1Saif Apr 5 '16 at 9:52
  • 1
    If I were you, though I can never be, I would 1) quit online dawah, 2) let my friends and family members know that I need to stop chatting as soon as my husband returns home. – ozbek Apr 6 '16 at 10:42

You mentioned that your husband has provide enough, so it is sinful to ask for divorce based on your situation, as your husband didn't abuse you or threaten your life, thus I would like to suggest you to follow the comment by ozbek, its either stop online dawah, or let your client or family members know that you need to stop once your husband come from his work.
The wife should obey her husband without doubt as long he doesn't bring you to Jahannam. Remember, Allah hate talaq.

  • Emotional abuse is also a form of abuse so "it is sinful to ask for divorce based on your situation, as your husband didn't abuse you" doesn't hold to begin with. – The Raven Queen Jun 9 '17 at 8:10

Aslamoalikom Sister,
from what you have described you seem to be falling short in your duty towards your husband who according to you is a good provider by your own admission.

All your husband needs from you is some undivided attention once he returns from work. You don't need to be a slave that is not what Islam wants from you. Please learn time management and talk to your family and do dawah work before he gets home making sure to have the house presentable before he arrives. This may sound very male chauvinistic but try to see this from his perspective he works hard to provide you comforts and saves you from working to have food on the table in return he expect to at least return to clean home and a welcoming wife.

Please try changing yourself to save your marriage also the situation you described isn't the one where Islam provides you an opportunity for dissolution of marriage without transgressing against your husband.

protected by Community Jan 6 '17 at 16:15

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