1.) Lately, I have been having a psychological crisis. Does Allah want me to go to Jannah? I go to the masjid for young adults and these sexist boys whom I grown up with. (Their parents are close friends with my parents.) They bully me and they are discouraging me. I overheard them saying they are praying to Allah so I will not go to Jannah because I do not deserve to go because I am selfish? I once said I want to go to the highest Jannah. They heard and said it was selfish of me. They said I do not deserve to go. You know the hadith "none of you is a believer till you love your brother what you love for yourself." I told them that hadith and their response was was that the hadith applies for muslim men to help each other and not muslim men to want the muslim women as they want for themselves-whether mahram or not- i got discouraged and been feeling guilty. I earlier said that I do not want to Jannah because I felt unworthy. I still do. But I feel I am too selfish and greedy to want the best for myself. I want good people to go to Jannah but not myself anymore. I do not want to go to hell either because of the pain. But not heaven because I do not deserve it because I am greedy to want not only Jannah but Jannah furdouse.
2.) Is it sinful for me to not want Jannah? Is it sinful for me to give up on myself? I know Allah will forgive me but I feel that I do not deserve it and If I want Jannah then I am greedy. Rigbt now, I want to go to Jannah again but I feel unworthy and guilty.