First you have lots of questions in one question, these questions is not answered by one simple answer. However, i can sum up your questions as "why woman are not equal with man?"
First of all people are equal as soul and human in front of Allah, but there are some physical differences and these differences bring different tests, like giving birth. After all everything in this world is an exam for us to learn what and who we are.
Other then this basic thing, some of your questions are just some tradition of Muslim society, which are not influenced by Quran.
Quran see humans as equal:
breathed some of My spirit into divine touch. When God created him"(or her in this sense). [Noble Quran 15:29 See also 32:9]
This is my basic answer but you can read more from this site:
From the marital standpoint, the Quran clearly indicates in Surahs 30:20 and 42:11 that marriage is not just an inevitable evil, marriage is not somebody getting married to his master or slave, but rather to his partner.
"Among His Signs is this, that he created for you mates from among
yourselves, that they may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has
put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are signs for
those who reflect." [Noble Quran 30:21]
There are numerous verses in the Quran to the same effect.
Secondly, the approval and consent of the girl to marriage is a
prerequisite for the validity of marriage in Islam. She has the right
to say yes or no.
Husbands' and wives' duties are mutual responsibilities. They might
not be identical duties, but the totality of rights and
responsibilities are balanced. The Quran says:
"Women have the same rights (in relation to their husbands) as are
expected in all decency from them, while men stand a step above them."
[Noble Quran 2:228]
This only specifies the degree of responsibility, not privilege, in
man's role as provider, protector, maintainer, and leader of the
family. The same Surah speaks about divorce, about consultation
between husband and wife, even in the case of divorce. When there are
family disputes, first the Quran appeals to reason and the
consideration of positive aspects of one's spouse,
"Dwell with your wives in kindness for even if you hate them, you
might be hating someone in whom God has placed so much good." [Noble
Quran 4:19]
If that appeal does not succeed, and problems between the husband and
wife continue, there are measures that can be applied. Some of these
measures are done privately between husband and wife. Some of them
might appear harsh, but there are qualifications to restrict excessive
or abusive use of these measures. These measures are considered an
attempt to save a marriage rather than break a family apart. If the
situation does not improve, even with the limitation and prevention of
excesses, the next step is a family council. One arbiter from his
family and one from her family should sit together with the couple and
try to resolve the problems.
You can find more here and here and here
