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My mom does not like the way I dress and is enforcing a change on me. I am a 17 year old and I wear the hijab. I don't dress as modest as I'd wish to be.

My mother doesn't always approve of certain outfits. I tell her I've reached that age where I can decide for myself what's good for me. I know what I'm doing is wrong and I'm trying to adjust it step by step. My mom says she gets bad deeds for the way I dress and I tell her, why would she, if I am doing this to myself.

Question: Do my parents get ethem (bad deeds) for the way I choose to dress after tring to influence me to dress more modestly?

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  • As long as you are under her roof, she is responsible for you. She can tell you what to do and what to wear. I don't understand where the confusion is at? Please elaborate if you don't understand the concept of living under the rules of the people who provide you shelter and food and rest of the luxuries.
    – user14305
    Feb 2, 2016 at 11:13
  • There are two points to consider for answering this: You are in the house of your parents so they are responsible for you if you are mature you are also responsible for yourself so it would be definetly a sin for you, but honestly I can't tell to what extent it could be considered as a sin of your parents if they told you what is right and what is wrong @RebeccaJ.Stones well done!
    – Medi1Saif ♦
    Nov 8, 2016 at 8:30
  • If the answers below satisfy your query please mark the relevant one as accepted. Else please elaborate on your doubts/questions.
    – Ahmed
    Apr 10, 2018 at 5:23

2 Answers 2

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Children are a source of continous reward or punishment for their parents. Even after the parent's death, if a child does good then the parents are rewarded and vice versa.

This does not negate the fact that we are all accountable for our own actions. Children are part of a parent's responsibilities and they will be accounted for the same. Similarly children have been given the responsibilty of respecting their parents as long as they do not command you to go against God's commands. Infact, the Quran states that we should not even say "Uff" to our parents.

Coming back to you, you are accountable for what you do. If you feel you are doing something that gains you good deeds you should it and vice versa.

God has given this life as a test and never said it was easy. Infact the most tested of all people are the Prophets themselves.

Sister, you feel you are still young and allowed to make a few mistakes. That is up to you. I pray inshAllah Allah strengthens all our Imaan. We never know when is our last day.

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  • AOA brother. "Children are a source of continous reward or punishment for their parents. Even after the parent's death, if a child does good then the parents are rewarded and vice versa." - I have to ask what Quranic verse or hadith etc. is this based on. I have heard this before but I did not believe it, because I thought why would God punish one person for the deeds of another.
    – Solace
    Jun 6, 2016 at 5:32
  • @Solace Abu Hurairah (RA) reported: The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said, "When a man dies, his deeds come to an end except for three things: Sadaqah Jariyah (ceaseless charity); a knowledge which is beneficial, or a virtuous descendant who prays for him (for the deceased)." - Sahih Muslim, Book 13, Hadith 1383
    – Ahmed
    Jun 6, 2016 at 18:34
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As far as I know, after you reach puberty, your parents does not have responsibility over you. So your actions and doing does not effect them. This is because, they thought you what they know as right or good and as bad or wrong. After you reach your puberty, obeying this rules is your choice. They warn you. So responsibility over them is gone.

One of comments ask about Sadaqah Jariyah. Here is hadith:

Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "When a man dies, his deeds come to an end except for three things: Sadaqah Jariyah (ceaseless charity); a knowledge which is beneficial, or a virtuous descendant who prays for him (for the deceased)." [Muslim - 13/8]

In this hadith, The Messenger of Allah talks about things which people willingly doing. If they teach you good and you do this actions, they will benefit. If they teach bad, they will get consequences. In your case they are telling you what they think good. You disobey them. So no actions for them. You can derive this result from this ayah:

He said, "O Noah, indeed he is not of your family; indeed, he is [one whose] work was other than righteous, so ask Me not for that about which you have no knowledge. Indeed, I advise you, lest you be among the ignorant." [11/46]

Noah did not get any blame for his son. I suggest you to read entire surah to understand as whole

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    How do you explain "Sadaqa Jariya" for parents then?
    – Ahmed
    Jan 16, 2016 at 20:10
  • I added my resources and explained your question also.
    – nim
    Jan 18, 2016 at 8:28
  • please tell me what is wrong with my answer to get downvote? please see Disagreement should not be a basis for down-voting
    – nim
    Feb 2, 2016 at 13:24

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