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I have preformed istakhara several times for my marriage and I get this feeling that it might not work out and I might get a divorce.

My mom says that I am just scared and nervous about leaving my family behind and starting a new life.

Is she right? Am I just scared or is my marriage not going to work out?

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    An important factor for istikhara is to have in Allah that he'll bring what is best afterwards, so you have to calm down, have faith in Allah, and he won't let u down – Abdel Rahman Shamel Oct 26 '15 at 23:19
  • Your Question seems to me more or less a search for advise and that could be a reason for closing it! I think what @AbdelRahmanShamel wrote is a good advise, you should try to free your mind of any bad thoughts and have faith. The fact that you did istikhara many times may indicate that you have some kind of reservation or prejudice. And if this is right maybe that's the begin of the end of what could have been a happy marriage! – Medi1Saif Oct 27 '15 at 6:54
  • @MediSaif Istikhara can be performed multiple times, some even suggest no less than 7 counts. As a matter of fact, it is just a Duaa and one can pray with every Salat. The essence of Istikhara is to delegate to God your choice, having faith that the best will happen. – user549 Oct 27 '15 at 12:03
  • your Mom could also perform Istikhara for your marriage ask her to do istikhara and have tawwakul in Allah Swt. – Faqirah Oct 27 '15 at 13:27
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Istikhara is only a way of self-reflection and figuring out the pros and cons of something you intend to do. It is done by everybody on this earth; people who follow some religion, and people who follow none. It doesn't provide you any divine guidance (although people would coerce you into believing so). Its not some "abra cadabra" after which you become aware of what future has in store for you with respect to a certain decision.

You should simply weigh pros and cons of marrying someone and go with it if you feel its the right decision.

However, if you are having bad feelings about every proposal you come across, your mother may be right. It may have to do with some unknown fear you have about getting married. It may be a result of some past experience or some misguided notion you have about marriage or something else. Try to discuss it with somebody who you are close to and who you think can provide you with a sound advice. If you keep on living with this unknown fear, I am afraid all your istikharas would come to the same result.

  • This is not an Islamic POV (needed in Islam SE). – user549 Oct 27 '15 at 13:48
  • I do not consider the so-called Istikhara method to have any special relation to Islam or to have any sort of divinity. People of yore have Islamicized it. I am pointing that out and for this reason IMO the answer doesn't need to have a Islamic POV, and a simple argument appealing to common sense is enough and is valid for Islam SE. – Tom Marvolo Riddle Oct 27 '15 at 15:09
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    When you think about it, Islam's appeal is for all humanity and not just for Muslims. Most people do not have any groundings in the so-called Islamic POV. The only POV that Islam has is common sense and reason. What we consider Islamic POV is nothing more than a Taqleedi mindset, i.e., blindly following the opinions of the forefather even when they may be wrong or may have made a mistake. – Tom Marvolo Riddle Oct 27 '15 at 15:14
  • I approve this sentence of you that "You should simply weigh pros and cons of marrying someone and go with it if you feel its the right decision." and the questioner can deems it as a helpful brief issue. / Meanwhile, I add that: Taking Istikharah for several times (in common conditions) doesn't seem a logical and correct way. Since Istikhata (by its conditions) commonly is done once, not ... / Jazak-Allah-khaira – اللهم صل علی محمد و آل محمد Dec 14 '15 at 12:51
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Istikhara is sunnah. It has a salah of two rakats then a supplication . If done according to sunnah it works and it should be used by all Muslims for all their decisions. According to sunnah it should be done up to seven times as required.

Now Istikhara is done after one makes up his/her mind regarding the matter at hand. Generally not when one does not know what to do.

If you have done proper Istikhara and you feel you should not go ahead with this particular proposal then that is a clear indication.

Your mother might not be well versed with this knowledge.

If you continue to do Istikhara you might get even more strong indication.

  • Well the well known hadith sunnah.com/bukhari/97/19 which includes the dua' al-Istikhara clearly says "If anyone of you intends to do some thing..." so Istikhara is done before as consultation not after one made a decision, because it's ment to find help for making a decision! – Medi1Saif Nov 6 '15 at 11:23
  • @Medi1Saif, 'If anyone intends to do something ..' implies that you have clear intention, that you have made up your mind, and then you do the consultation. If you haven't made up your mind when you do the istikhara what do you say in the supplication otherwise? So for example: I intend to travel to my home town tomorrow, so Ya Allah if that is good for me in this world and the hereafter make it easy for me. And if it is not then let my heart change against traveling tomorrow to my hometown. – user2176453 Dec 23 '15 at 12:30
  • "if you intend" doesn't mean at all that you have made a decision, and if you read the Arabic text you'll understand what i do mean! Because an intention is made before doing something! In Arabic there are at least 3 different words which all might be translated as intention; niyya, qasd قَصْد, azima عزيمة , and here in this hadith we find hamma هَمَّ (as a verb) which means he had in mind (but not yet intended) or had trouble with something! So yes he intended but was not sure whether he should chose a) or b)! – Medi1Saif Dec 23 '15 at 13:20

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