I am a muslim moroccan girl. I've been living in france for 3 years for my studies.
Recently, I fell in love with a french guy. I don't know what happened to me. Before that I considered my self a good muslim as I've never approached zina, always offered salat, always been good to people and my parents.
But this year, I don't know what happened. We did some things that I really regret. I repent to Allah every day and I don't know if he had forgiven me for we were together even we appraoched each other.
I've never stopped offering salat and asking Allah to help me because I knew I was blinded by love and shaytan. I was feeling that i was living two different lives.
Recently this guy talked to me about converting to islam (I have never talked to him about that) and that he wanted to marry me so we can live happily. I was very happy.
But recently my mom came from Morocco to visit me and found out about my relationship with him. She insulted me (I know I deserve it). I told her that even if we did not do the right thing, I regret it badly and the guy wants to convert (because he had muslim friends and talked to them about islam before knowing me) and want to ask for my hand.
She said that she will never accept this never ever ever. She started screaming and crying that she will only accept a morrocan if I want her blessing and of course she's my mom I cannot do a thing without her blessings. Every evening when I come home from school, she repeats that to me.
I talked with the guy and told him everything that had happened and that we should stop everything. Be patient until we finish our studies. Have faith in Allahthat and repent to him everyday. He was totally consonant.
We talk very rarely just about the studies. I have his facebook (to be able to see if he is fine without talking to me ) so I found out that when he talks with his friends he is searching and learning more and more about islam and is convinced about it that he want inshallah to follow me and live in morroco because from one hand it will help him as knewly converted.
For my side sometimes i feel that allah has forgiven me (i feel peacefull and happy) and sometimes i feel like the worst person that had ever existed and allah won't forgive me i really love him so much and want him to take my soul satisfiyed by my actions. and every time that we talk about marriage my mother always tells me that she prefer to die or be tortured than to see me mary with a french person even he is a muslim. my question is
Do you think allah has forgiven me ?
Do you think he is answering my duaa when i asked him to help me ?
Do you think he will reward us for being patient and waiting to be stable to get married?
Do you think my mother will be able to change her mind?
I am really sorry for my bad English. It is not my first nor my second langage hope you will understand choukran