Denying of oneself to marry his choice

Question

I am a 21 year old girl, I am into a relationship with a man for 3 years now we have been planning to marry next year. Our relationship was a secret. Just yesterday the man tried to talk to his parents and they denied, In fact all his family members did not approve for this. They predicted that I was not from a good family, and my family was not good enough for them. We really would love to marry each other, but the boy has no choice.

Is it allowed to continue trying or leave it?
Because I am afraid it may bring fitnah.

Answer 1

As much as I know, the consent (permission) of the parents is not Wajib (for men) to marry, but you mentioned a significant point. I mean as you said "because I am afraid it may bring fitnah". Of course I reckon you can be the best person to recognize if it would be worth to get married to him or not. Namely by making some fitnahs, sadness, displeased, ...).

As I explained early, apparently he is allowed to choose you as his option, but you ought to considered other aspects of that marriage as well. Since respecting the opinions of parents would make us Barekah (blessing) in our life. Of course you can talk them again and strive to justify them by illustrating more logical speech… / Anyhow, you'd better endeavour to get their consent in order to be more comfortable and to have more calm and blessing in your life. But I think it is not necessary to leave your life if you assume their reasons are not logical. Good luck. و من الله توفیق

Answer 2

Assalamualaikum,

If it was your own son what would you expect from him? To obey you or to disobey you? How about your parents? Do they agree? If they do, can they go ask for the proposal? They have a better shot at it than you both trying on your own. If your parents disagree as well, then it sounds like a seriously uphill battle. Remember, you know him for a few moments for just 3 years and possible never sacrificed for him. His parents and his family have RAISED and Sacrificed for him to where and what he is today.

This is indeed a timeless issue and a very serious one. You have already known him for 3 years and unsure what the depth of your relationship was but the best thing to do at this time is pray that Allah forgive you and us all for our sins that we did knowingly and that we did unknowingly.

There is no problem in approaching the family through proper channels. The fitnah comes in when you both meet and continue this relationship. Whoever your mahram or wali is, they will definitely do what is best for you but you just have to pray and have faith. And Allah knows best...