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I am extremely upset about the whole situation. My husband had an extremely abusive childhood & real tough life throughout his 20-40's which actually made him very bitter & angry. I did my research and find that he has some mental disorder personality which has turned into more complications. There is so many arguments and much bitterness from him that I find it difficult to talk to him about issues on a daily basis as he starts judging me quickly. Every time I say anything to him, a fight starts between us and in this time all he says is: 'Talaq Talaq Talaq .......Talaq' or something like I divorce you about ten to twenty times.

After he is cool, he comes back to me as if nothing happened, and apologises for his words. He is not religious at all, I just don't know how to deal with this situation. I have a child, and I don't want my baby to suffer cause of him.

Can someone please advise me, is it already divorced? What should I do? I am too confused, just can't tell anyone.

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It doesn't count in extreme anger or insanity

Divorce is not valid if the man is under condition of ighlaq, meaning temporary insanity.

Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about a man whose wife treats him badly and insults him, so he divorced her at a moment of anger. He replied:

If you uttered the words of divorce at a moment of intense anger and without realizing it, and you could not control yourself, because of her bad words and insults etc., and you did that at a moment of intense anger and without realizing it, and she acknowledges that, or you have a witness of good character, then divorce has not taken place, because the shar’i evidence indicates that divorce does not take place if the words are spoken at a moment of intense anger – and if it is accompanied by not realizing what is happening then the ruling applies even more so.

Source: Islam Q&A, IslamiCity, OnIslam

Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin: Muhammad ibn Ubayd ibn AbuSalih who lived in Ayliya said: I went out with Adi ibn Adi al-Kindi till we came to Mecca. He sent me to Safiyyah daughter of Shaybah who remembered a tradition (that she had heard) from Aisha. She said: I heard Aisha say: I heard the Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) say: There is no divorce or emancipation in case of constraint or duress (ghalaq).

Source: 2188, Kitab Al-Talaq, Sunan Abu Dawud

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    Just a comment. Originally we were taught that the reason behind irrevocable three talaq in Islam was was the fact that non-musims used to divorce their wife and marry them again over and over. This was considered bad in Islam so they introduced 3 talaq. Now according to your logic, talaq does not take place in extreme anger. In fact the same must apply then in case of anger because it is likely 90% of the time the man is going to say sorry I did not mean it. But it does spread the shock waves already and caused all the harm. So this become really questionable. (continued...)
    – muslim1
    Jun 20, 2015 at 6:04
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    From this logic we can safely say that Talaq in Islam is only valid if the man is calm, there is no fight and he goes to wife and utter the word I divorce you. This just does not make sense to me. It looks too idealistic to me. Anyways you can elaborate a little more on the anger vs extreme anger. And who will decide that the man was extremely angry. A lot of grey area.
    – muslim1
    Jun 20, 2015 at 6:07
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    If you follow the sources, it says that it's valid in normal anger. If the wife and husband both agree that the words were said in insanity, it doesn't count. It is logical as Islam places a lot of emphasis on intentions. Divorce should be happening only if there is real intention to split, not because of escalating anger.
    – Muz
    Jun 20, 2015 at 7:39
  • Ok but it is difficult to draw a border between normal anger and intense anger.
    – muslim1
    Jun 20, 2015 at 8:32
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If a husband utters the word to his wife 'I divorce you' that means talaq has happened. There is no excuse in this regard.

In shia Islam, you need two witness for talaq but in Sunni Islam, no witnesses are needed. That is clear message talaq can happen just by uttering the word.

In fact talaq can also happen if someone does not use the word talaq but conveys it through other means like 'I am done with you' with intention that I am divorcing you.

Muslims should always be careful when uttering this word.

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  • Thank you for the reply. Yes it's about "intention" to divorce, when I asked him about his intentions, he says " no I didn't mean to divorce you, I was threatening or scaring you" in other words, he believes that 'Talaq' is just a word and divorce only happens when we contact the court etc. any advice now please!
    – Sunshine
    Jun 20, 2015 at 0:10
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    You said "Talaq, Talaq, Talaq" that word does conveys intentions of talaq but may be there is some excuse. My answer is based on your quote "I divorce you". That is Talaq. There is no question about it. It is also not threatening. It is talaq. Unfortunately there are many men who does that and later retrieve their statement. One advise for you, women are powerful being. Stay strong and believe in your self.
    – muslim1
    Jun 20, 2015 at 0:23
  • Related to the court, you should consult the courts in the country you live. For example I live in purely Islamic country where the law does not forbids verbal divorce (that means it is legal). You can check in your country. May be you are lucky if they do not recognize verbal divorces.
    – muslim1
    Jun 20, 2015 at 0:28
  • Thank you so much again for the reply. I live in western country where the law doesn't accept islamic divorce. And to divorce here we have to stay separately for 12 months before proceed to divorce.
    – Sunshine
    Jun 20, 2015 at 0:34
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    I know the personality you are talking about. There are people who have anger problem + not stable enough and issue divorce for no apparent reason. If that is the reason, you can ask a separate question about it. I guess the question can be, "What is the procedure of divorce if the man is mentally not stable". Islam is extremely vague about these issues though and it will be hard to find such answers.
    – muslim1
    Jun 20, 2015 at 3:28
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there is no need to say that divorce in anger is not counted, because anger is of short time, and husband can take his wife back when he calms down, and that divorce is not counted (for aim of counting 3 divorces, after which you cannot reconcile without you marrying other man), if he takes you back before iddah. proof: Just reciting "Talak" thrice commits divorce? .

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