I just honestly fear getting married. My parents got divorced and it was very traumatic to witness such problems at a young age. Would it be haram to consciously choose to not get married and have children?

I've heard things for both sides but I'd like to know once and for all the truth behind this. Facts, surah, ayats, or hadith would be greatly appreciated for further research. Thank you for your time.


2 Answers 2


"And whatever the Messenger has given you - take; and what he has forbidden you - refrain from." Qur'an 59:7

Thus we have direct evidence from the Qur'an that it is incumbent upon all believers to obey the Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu alayhi wa Salaam).

Having understood that, we find a hadith in which some men inquired about the worship of the Prophet of Allah (Sallallahu alayhi wa Sallam) and decided that they would engage themselves solely in Allah's worship, the implication being that they would not marry and thus abstain from having sexual relations. Upon hearing this, the Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu alayhi wa Sallam) was upset and he chastised them so:

I swear By Allah that I fear Allah more than you do, and I am most obedient and dutiful among you to Him, but still, I observe fasting (sometimes) and break it (at others); I perform (optional) prayer (at night sometimes) and sleep at night (at others); I also marry. So whoever turns away from my Sunnah (i.e., my way) is not from me.” [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

There is yet another incident of a notable companion, Uthman bin Maz'oon (RAA), whose wife complained to the Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu alayhi wa Sallam) of his excessive worship (and thus his abstinence of physical relations with her). The hadith says that the Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu alayhi wa Sallam) was visibly upset and chastised him, saying that "Allah has not deputed me to encourage any monastic life." [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monasticism#Islam]

There are innumerable such hadiths that encourage Muslims to get married and discourage them from leading a celibate life.

Thus, we can conclude that if Allah and His Messenger (Sallallahu alayhi wa Sallam) did not allow the Muslims to abstain from marriage for even noble reasons like worshipping Him, then how can the reasons cited by you hold any water for abstaining from marriage?

Secondly, just because you have seen firsthand a marriage go wrong, it does not imply that the institution of marriage itself is bad. Do not be like the cat that sat on a hot stove lid; henceforth it won't sit on a hot stove lid, but then it won't sit on a cold one either!

Marriage is the Sunnah not just of the last Messenger for mankind (Sallallahu alayhi wa Sallam); rather, it's the Sunnah of all Messengers of Allah (Alayhim as Salaam).

  • The hadith you quoted gives marriage as an example of something that is allowed for a very obedient and dutiful Muslim, not something that is compulsory. He is saying that although he is very religious, sometimes he stops fasting, sometimes he sleeps instead of praying, and it is okay even for a prophet to get married. Personally I think marriage is good, but it certainly should not be forced on people, and it certainly should not be required for everyone to get married if they do not want to do that. Commented May 15, 2015 at 3:24
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    @samwatkins, every rule has an exception, and this is no different. However, the exceptions are for situations where marrying would lead to fitnah, for instance, like when the man may lack vigor and which may lead to problems, in which case it would be better for him to not marry. However, my reply is based on the OP's reasoning, which is based on his past experience. A Muslim is expected to be hopeful and optimistic.
    – Najeeb
    Commented May 15, 2015 at 14:24

I never found any ayah or surah which say haram when you never married. In islam, marriage is worship. It is forbidden in islam is sex outside of marriage. Premarital sex is strictly prohibited in islam, and married could keep us from sex outside of marriage.

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