Asking personal questions from your wife-to-be before marriage

Question

I am a Muslim planning to get married to a Muslim women Insha'Allah, I know that she had a boyfriend in the past, but their relationship didn't last. I am concerned that she might have committed Zina and have lost her virginity, it's important to me that she hasn't been in an intimate relationship with another man, and I want to know:

1. Is it okay to ask a personal question such as "are you a virgin?" According to Islam?

2. How do I go about asking that question with out insulting her? Assuming that she is innocent and hasn't been involved in any immoral activity.

Answer 1

It is difficult to answer this without injecting personal opinion, and as such I will only concentrate on the first of your two questions:

1: Is it okay to ask a personal question such as "are you a virgin?" According to Islam?

Islam does not dictate what you may or may not ask your potential partner. However keep in mind that Islam does give you permission to see your partners and gain some understanding of them as far as it impacts the union. In Islam, there is no "engagement" as we might be accustomed to - one day you are married, the other you are not.

As long as you are not married - she and you should be careful to control your words and actions as to not cast any doubts or ill thoughts on either of you.

So, if this question is of importance to you - you should first make this known to your parents as well (if you have not already) and then ask her in a way that respects both you and her's dignity.

Allah knows best.

Answer 2

If you want to have a open honest marriage with her, you need to ask her straight up in private and you need to reassure her that you will not judge her no matter what her answer is

Answer 3

See borther,

I will answer your question in in-direct way,

Allah allowed Muslims Men to marry non-Muslims Women with very strong, constant, immutable rules:

1. The non-Muslims women should be Christian or Jewish only (Not other religions or polytheist, Atheist, and etc)
2. Giving the woman the Dowry.
3. Woman's father attending and approval.
4. Presence of witnesses.

rules 2, 3, and 4 also applies to Muslims women too.

We have one extra rule for non-Muslim women

5. Chastity and Purity.

So in rule #5 the non-Muslim woman should be pure, virtuous, and reputable.

Why there is extra rule for non-Muslim women? Because purity is a big deal in Islam. And to be more clear, Islam doesn't allow Muslim Men to Marry Muslims Women that are known committing adultery (Zina) unless she repented of adultery.

So, I believe you have to ask her and clear everything... after all, this women will be the mother of your kids and will be part of your family.

Answer 4

Asking her my brother is useless and not advised at all.... Have u or have u not asked your self this question "will i still marry her if she trusts me and tells me all about her past?" Or in this particular case about her virginity?

Or perhaps u want to know about her past and then dump her which is a disgrace for her?

Listen... Such sins are between Allah and His (Abd) slave... The most important thing is her sincere repentance to Allah and never going back to it again, and Allah is most Merciful and most Forgiving....

The ayah says....(Illa man taaba wa aamana wa amila amalan saaliha) Refer back to your Qur'an in the last two pages of surat Al-Furqaan, and read those verses....

To be on the safest side, don't ask her, just make research on her deen if a true believing woman is what u need or desire.

Or maybe you would like to be the one responsible for her sincere repentance to Allah, in sha Allah..

May Allah guide, protect, and forgive us ...and may He (SWT) in His Marcy grant us Jannatul Firdaus....aameen ya Rabb

Answer 5

I see nothing with Men or Women desiring people in marriage who have not been intimate ( Zina) with others IF they themselves have not committed such sins, the issue here is that it is not permissible it is completely Haram, to have anyone reveal their sins to you, even if you are a spouse or a potential spouse, It appears you want to know the answer to this question if order to go forward with this particular female, if the answer is negative, it appears your response would be to remove yourself from the situation, so to summarize brother and i completely sympathize with you mind, your asking if you can ask the sister to reveal her sins to you, and if they are as you suspect you will reject her, that isn't right brother, its none of your business what she has done in her past, or what you have done in yours, what i would do, is send a message to this female, stating that your looking for a wife, that hasn't previously had an intimate relationship before, Your not looking to investigate her past, but you respectfully ask her at some point to discontinue with the situation with you, if she is not what you are looking for, this way if the sister has committed zina, she has a chance to leave the situation without revealing her sins to you, and at a point where you cannot be certain of wether she has left the situation for this reason ( Zina) or that she has changed her mind for whatever other reason..... this way also if you see this sister out and about or hear of her later, you don't have knowledge of her sins and she can maintain her dignity...