How one can go close to stranger with intention of marriage?

Question

As looking/meeting stranger females is haram and one cannot go for relation with any unmarried. If one's parents are not serious about child's marriage. How can one search and come close to a suitable partner.

In some societies parents arrange for their children' marriage. Or one finds a match in relatives. If one is not lucky this way how will he get married.

Those who don't abide by Islam easily get done with these issues. Should one wait for God's blessing or one has to break lines.

Whether on social media or real world it is almost impossible to be good and follow Islam and find a good partner as this way you will be decent but unless you take step no one will make you offer. If you lose the bound of Islam thing seem apparently easy in going and exploring fortune; but that way also stalking around is not what everyone will wish to do.

And yet another issue if you go openly with this intention of meeting you can't justify this stalking behavior in Islam and no good person will accept such offers, and on other hand staying away and decently waiting with 'sabar' apparently never seems ending in success.

As answer I am expecting Islamic guideline for searching partner at one's own. Keeping oneself away from sin and taking all features in mind like comfort and mutual understanding.

Answer 1

The prohibition of interaction between non-mahram male and female is a bit exaggerated by many Muslims. It's not as strict as many give it off to be. Some times it's subjective on the person. Here are some points to consider and you can make your own restrictions upon yourself =

• The verse from Surah an-Nisa 24:30 does NOT forbid us from looking at females =
  قُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَغُضُّوا مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِمْ وَيَحْفَظُوا فُرُوجَهُمْ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ أَزْكَىٰ لَهُمْ ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ خَبِيرٌ بِمَا يَصْنَعُونَ

As you can see, what it forbids us from doing is to freely looking at things in general and keep guard our genitals. "lower the gaze" is a mistranslation and doesn't agree with the Arabic of the ayah. Because the words are "yaghaddoo min absaar" = ghadd literally means "loose" or "relaxed" and not lower.

In fact, there are hadiths attributed to the Prophet Mohammed where he told someone to LOOK (anthur alaihaa) at the woman he was interested in marrying.

• The saying attributed to Rasolullaah states = لا يخلون رجل بامرأة إلا ومعها ذو محرم

**No man should be alone with a woman except with a mahram **

The word attributed to the Prophet is yakhloona this comes from Khaloo which means empty or completely vacant.

So it's haraam to be alone with a woman without her mahram in an place or area where there's absolutely no one around. Like, it's just you and her and no one can see you.

This doesn't mean you can't meet a non-mahram woman at a public place where people are around. It wouldn't be khaloo because it's not an empty place. As long as the proper manners are being implemented, it's fine according to Islam.

However, you know yourself better and if you feel you can't control yourself, you can use other means to protecting yourself.

• Now a person may claim that the verse in Surah al-Isra 17:32 = وَلَا تَقْرَبُوا الزِّنَا ۖ إِنَّهُ كَانَ فَاحِشَةً وَسَاءَ سَبِيلًا

And do not come near adultery. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way.

Tells us not to come close to women or that even interacting with them is approaching adultery. But this is a farfetched un-Islamic interpretation. Because it's known that the Prophet himself use to interact with females and even teach them.

However, the only thing we can say is what's haraam from the very beginning is what's described in this verse as near adultery.

This would be being completely alone with a woman without her mahram. This is coming near adultery, even if you aren't committing adultery itself. Because you're already in the realm of haraam for being alone.

But as I mentioned earlier, you know yourself better and if you can't control yourself even if you just talk to a female, then don't do it. Simple. Yet, what's haraam is very clear in the Quran.

These are usually the main ayahs and hadiths people distort to exaggerate in forbidding. Allaho Alim.

Answer 2

My Brother:

In Islam marriage and family life is given high priority; and as thus our religion takes great pains in teaching the correct ways to marry and to find partners such that the Islamic society is strong based on strong Islamic family values.

You can see various references to the importance of this in the Quran:

Marry those among you who are single, or the virtuous ones among yourselves, male or female: if they are in poverty, Allah will give them means out of His grace: for Allah encompasseth all, and he knoweth all things. 24:32

And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought. 30:21

As mentioned by Sayyed there are many references where men and women interacted in our Prophet's (SWAS) time; and thus interacting with women is permitted if the intention of your interaction is pure. It is mentioned in Islam many times that the intention of the act has importance.

From Abu Harerah, we have the following hadeeth regarding choosing of your wife:

‏ تُنْكَحُ النِّسَاءُ لأَرْبَعٍ لِمَالِهَا وَلِحَسَبِهَا وَلِجَمَالِهَا وَلِدِينِهَا ‏.‏ فَاظْفَرْ بِذَاتِ الدِّينِ تَرِبَتْ يَدَاكَ

A woman may be married for four things: Her wealth, her lineage, her beauty or for her religion. Choose the religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).

Also, we have this reference:

إِذَا أَلْقَى اللَّهُ فِي قَلْبِ امْرِئٍ خِطْبَةَ امْرَأَةٍ فَلاَ بَأْسَ أَنْ يَنْظُرَ إِلَيْهَا

When Allah causes a man to propose to a woman, there is nothing wrong with him looking at her.

It is clear from these that we are permitted to look at na-mahram women if the intention of your actions is pure; ie it is the intention of marriage.

May Allah guide you in the righteous path towards this noble cause.

And Allah knows best.

Answer 3

Before marriage one needs to know different parameters about the person wants to marry with. These parameters are of two types: one type needs for looking at parts of body that are forbidden for two unmarried. But other type of parameters do not have any need for looking at body. For example if one wants to know if the person participates in mosque for prayer or not, this does not have for looking at body.

In Islam it is recommended to first research about the type of parameters that have no need for looking at body. Perhaps during this research the case was canceled. But if all the parameters were OK then they can arrange a meeting for talking which if it is not by intention of enjoying then it is still OK. Finally there remains some parameters that need looking at body without a complete Hijab. Scholars say if all other parameters are OK and only the looking at body is remained and if the person is serious for marriage in this case there is no problem in looking at body before marriage. But only by serious intention of marriage.

A man married a woman but he did not have been saw her well. Then prophet Muhammad SAWW said him: if you have been seen her your relation was stronger and your life was better. (Reference of hadith: Wasā'il al-Shīʿa, vol. 14, page 61)

Also Imam Sadiq a.s. said:

[for marriage] if one does not have any abusive intention can look at hair and beauties of the woman. (Reference of hadith: Wasā'il al-Shīʿa, vol. 14, page 60)

Fuqaha say 3 terms are required for looking at body before marriage:

1. Looking should not be by intention of enjoying.
2. The marriage is only depending to this look
3. There is no barrier for marriage.

But still some of scholars limit this looking at face and hair.

So two person can know each other by different methods and using intermediate persons like family members without looking each other.

Reference:

View of Islam about knowing boy and girl each other before marriage

Answer 4

I have experienced this a lot and IT DOESN'T WORK! These two arguments are contradictory. There isn't a real way in Islam to communicate with someone you have affections for because let's face it: You can't talk or look at them. Marriage is a BIG decision and you must know if you and your partner are compatible BEFORE you marry them, not after. I personally have someone in my class I like and yes I intend to tell them because if you take too long, it might be too late (they might end up being engaged to someone else).

The ONLY way you can (and I'm not sure), is by having a mahram among the two of you as a supervisor. But when you are engaged it is practically quite hard to refuse a good marriage proposal even if it turns out you don't like them.

Hope this helps clarify a few things.