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I have slightly above average desire for sex whereas my wife has very low desire for sex. In spite trying all methods to lure in my wife for more sex I failed and couldn't motivate her for even mutual masturbation.

Keeping this in view I have a question, is masturbation allowed to that husband who's wife denies sex to him?

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    How did you come about deducing that your sexual drive is above average? Welcome to Islam. – Bleeding Fingers Jan 31 '14 at 19:29
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Although the answer given by @BleedingFingers is directly answering your question but as your situation is common between many young couples let me add some points that may help you with your situation.

Playing with wife or watching her photos/movies all are allowed. Imagination about her (either being pure imagination, or being in the form of remembering memorabilia, or seeing her photos/movies/paintings either realistic or caricature or else) is also allowed but as long as you will not become Jonob. However, playing with wife's body has no limit for the husband becoming jonob or not, so you the man can be satisfied with her wife's body even when she is asleep, or busy doing her own works. In a Fatwa even I saw that the man can rub his private limb to the body of his wife until he ejaculates, you may think it is not very different than masturbation but indeed it is, masturbation is forbidden and it is not.

Also as a hint, according to definition, masturbation is that a person does something with himself until he will ejaculate, there is no difference between how to do this, merely by imagination or by playing with his private limb or else. But ejaculation occurring is anyway a requirement for the deed to be named masturbation. So even if someone enjoy him/herself but stop before ejaculation it will not be called masturbation (also see the definition of Zina) but be careful that even this deed is Haram and forbidden, since this enjoyment is not among the ways Allah has announced as Halal for men and women. The only way that is Halal these days is seemingly by marriage and in communication with the wife or husband. But this communication can also be one-sided, that is a wife may fall asleep and his husband rub her body or himself to her body until ejaculation happen.

The Fatwa was due to Imam Khamenei if I am not wrong, so you may need to consult your own scholar to get sure what is Halal or haram for you in your communication.


I found these Fatawa in Persian that may help:

Question:

حضرت آقا فرموده‌اند كه تخيل كردن درباره‌ي همسر حرام نيست مگر آنكه به حرامي بيانجامد مانند آمدن آب. سؤال حقير اين است كه:

  1. آيا منظور از آب اينجا مني مي‌باشد؟

  2. منظور از تخيل كردن دقيقاً خود تخيل است يا شامل يادآوري (عمدي يا غيرعمدي) خاطرات هم مي‌شود؟

  3. نگاه كردن شهوت‌الود به نقاشي/كاريكاتور يا عكس يا فيلم معمولي يا شهوت‌آنگيز همسر آيا فقط تا زماني حلال است كه منجر به آمدن آب نشده باشد يا جنب شدن (اختياري يا سهوي) با ديدن آن‌ها نيز مجاز است؟

  4. آيا در حين انجام تخيل، يا به يادآوري خاطرات، و يا ديدن عكس و فيلم‌هاي شهوت‌انگيز همسر يا رابطه‌ي جنسي‌ام با او بازي كردن با آلت خود حكم استمناء حرام را دارد يا چون در ارتباط با همسر است مجاز است؟

الف) آيا اينكه همسر در دسترس نباشد (مسافرت باشد، سر كار باشد، مريض و بي‌حال باشد يا بيهوش، خواب باشد و از شدت خستگي اظهار بي‌ميلي كند و در صورت اصرار بدخلقي كند)

ب) آيا اينكه منجر به آمدن آب بشود يا خير تأثيري در حكم دارد؟

ج) در صورتي كه اين كار شرعاً حرام باشد آيا اگر نيت اوليه‌ي اين كار نه خود لذت بردن كه ايجاد تحريك اوليه و نعوظ در آلت خود جهت آماده كردن خود در رفتن به سراغ همسر باشد باز اين كار اشكال دارد؟ اگر در حين اين كار لذتي برده شود آيا با توجه به آن نيت اوليه باز اين كار اشكال دارد؟

Answer:

1:خروج مني منظور است 2:همه چيز را شامل مي شود 3:نبايد منجز به خروج مني شود 4:در تمام صورتهاي الف وب حرام است اما در صورت ج اگر همسر حضور داشته باشد ومقدمات اوليه جهت شروع آميزش هست مانعي ندارد ولي در هر صورت بازي كردن مرد با آلت خود چه با حضور همسر وچه بدون حضور او چه در راستاي تمهيدات آميزش باشد يا نباشد حرام است

Reference:

أجوبة الاستفتاءات (فارسى)؛ ص: 165

and

Question:

الف) آيا در استمناء غير حرام با همسر كه گفته شده ماليدن آلت خود به بدن همسر اگرچه منجر به جنب شدن بشود نيز مجاز است آيا اين تنها در صورتي است كه همسر هم هوشيار باشد يا اگر او خواب بود (و از خستگي نمي‌توانست بيدار شود يا اگر بيدار مي‌شد بدخلق مي‌شود يا هر دليل ديگر) و مثلاً با دست خود آلت را به بدن او بكشم تا جنب شوم هم مجاز است؟ به عبارت ديگر در ملاعبه‌ي با بدن همسر آيا لازم است كه حتماً همسرم هم هوشيار و فعال باشد و اين كارها دوطرفه باشد يا صرف اينكه كنار هم هستيم و از بدن او هم استفاده مي‌كنم كافي است؟ (انگار كه بدن او مانند دست خودم باشد، مثل اينكه در اين حال فرقي بين بدن او و ديوار يا هر تكيه‌گاه ديگري وجود نداشته باشد؟) آيا اين كار وقتي او خواب است شعبه‌اي از تخيل و استمناء حرام نمي‌باشد؟

ب) اگر حرام است تا چه حدي از هوشياري براي همسر در ملاعبه لازم است، مثلاً اينكه بيدار باشد ولي مشغول كار ديگري باشد در اين جالت بازي كردن با آلت خود روي بدن او و جنب شدن چه حكمي دارد؟

Answer:

لذت بردن از همسر مشروط به هوشياري زن يا مرد نيست واگر در خواب باشد مرد مي تواند از همسرش لذت ببرد وحلال است وبدون دخول هم ارضا شود وتمام انچه در سوال آمده است حلال است

Reference:

اجوبه الاستفتاات احكام معاشرت زن ومرد

The point in this Fatwa --in addition to support what is said above-- is that playing with own private limb in the presence or absence of the partner is forbidden unless it is a part of doing the sexual relation with the partner, a prelude for that or something like that with no intention of enjoying his/her own body.

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No. It is impermissible to fallback to masturbation irrespective of the fact whether the man's wife is fulfilling his sexual needs or not.

* You mentioned to me that masturbation is haraam. Does this include both man and woman?

- Yes, the ruling applies to both sexes.

(Dialogue on miscellaneous issues-2)

* What about masturbation?

- It is haraam. You must avoid it. It suffices to mention that, in some narrations, Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq (a.s.) “An acronym for Alaihis Salaam - meaning, may peace be with him”, described it as a form of adultery.

(Dialogue on Janabah)

As for the action man can take if his wife abandons his sexual desires, refer to rule #2422 here.

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    I don't see how the references support the claim that mutual masturbation, i.e. the man pleasuring his wife with his hands and vice versa, is haram. – G. Bach Oct 18 '16 at 11:10
  • I stand corrected @G.Bach , thanks. I had a wrong definition of mutual masturbation in mind. Fixed. – Bleeding Fingers Dec 9 '16 at 19:30
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Masturbation meaning you do it yourself is haram but the wife doing it to you and you doing it to her is halal and at the same time is called mutual masturbation.

The poster who said that mutual masturbation is haram is wrong. His posted quotes never indicated such only that (self) masturbation is haram. You will find too many articles and fatwas saying that the man can play with her magic bits and she can play with his - both by using any part of the body.... But of course using the mouth or tongue or lips is debated and there's a difference of opinion. That becomes oral sex rather than "mouth masturbation."

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-penetrative_sex#Mutual_masturbation

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