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From another question I asked previously, the following fatwa was provided which says that a fathers financial responsibility ends when the son reaches puberty. I'm assuming after which it's optional for the father to provide (financially) for the child. And I am sure most fathers will "choose" provide for their sons until their son provide for himself. But the main point I got from that fatwa is that is only a must for the father to financially provide for his son until the son reaches puberty.

My next question is, who's responsible for the son getting married? I always thought it was the son's own responsibility, where the father guides the son of the right ways, i.e. get married instead of have a girlfriend.

So my question is if you missed it, is it the father’s responsibility to get his son married, or is it the son's own responsibility to get married?

I've heard many people say that the father should get his son married, otherwise the son will commit a sin if his desires get to strong... I don't understand what that has to do with the father if it's the son's own responsibility to get married...

Isn't that a sin on the son's head for not getting married and/or delaying marriage?

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Through this Hadith "among" the children rights that the parents have to observe, are:

1- Choose a good name

2- Teach him to read and write

3- Take him a proper wife when becomes adult

The Hadith is:

رسولُ اللّه صلى‏ الله ‏عليه و ‏آله و سلّم : مِن حَقِّ الوَلَدِ على والِدِهِ ثَلاثَةٌ : يُحَسِّنُ اسمَهُ ، ويُعَلِّمُهُالكِتابَةَ ، ويُزَوِّجُهُ إذا بَلَغَ

Ref.:

  • Mizan Alhekmah, Page:614

Note: I couldn't find any hadith about paying life cost or even marriage cost.

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  • What does point 3 mean? That the father must help his son find a wife? I'm assuming it doesn't mean that the father MUST pay to get his son married and pay to provide food/shelter/clothing etc for his son and his sons wife? – user3550 Jan 28 '14 at 21:17
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    It doesn't mean that. It says that the father as an expert man in his son's life has to find him a good girl and help him to establish a new family.My own father prepared my brothers two houses and paid them all their marriage costs and helped them in their financial life after marriage. But my father in law said I can not pay you anything so we started our life without help and with sweetness. It is all up to the father, he can or he can not! he likes to do or he doesn't like to do!!! In many cases the boys and even the girls have misplaced expectation from their parents – Fatemeh Jan 28 '14 at 21:26
  • as I know that to make my son into a REAL man, who can look after himself. It wouldn't make sense in that case for me to pay for his marriage. That is basically creating men who can't look after themselves. Also, as far as I understand, 3 proposals came for the prophets daughter. All proposals were direct from the men, not from the mens fathers, and also, as far as I understand, the successful proposal to the prophets daughter paid everything for the marriage himself, and provided for his wive himself. Those were real men, i.e. men who don't have to rely on their father. – user3550 Jan 29 '14 at 13:46
  • Yes. That's true. In recent decades, Girls liked to marry a strong and religious man! But nowadays girls and boys prefer to take the spouse whom father is a rich man!!!! – Fatemeh Jan 29 '14 at 15:02
  • please mention that in the mentioned Hadeeth the holy prophet peace be upon him and his household says "from the rights of the children upon the parents" not all of the rights of the children. I am pretty sure paying for the cost of the children's life at least before them becoming adult the father has some responsibilities as I know according to Shia Fiqh we have such rules! – owari Jan 31 '14 at 22:03
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According to Shia Fiqh the criteria for how long and more precisely when the parents MUST pay for their children life and comfort and even similarly when the children MUST pay for their parents’ life and comfort is that they (the children or their parents) cannot earn their needs and need help for them. That is before I go to work and my parents let me study, no matter if I have married or not, my parents if can must help me. They can of course ban me from studying and instead force me to work, then they can stop giving me salary. Similarly if my parents get old with no salary it will be my duty to give them salary as much as I can and suffice for them. Of course my sisters if have no work (so own no money until their husbands give them some) they can help only if they own any money otherwise they cannot help their parents without their husbands' permission.

See e.g. here as reference, the webpage is in Persian and the users with blue usernames are Shia scholars.

About the marriage although it is good that the parents help their children find husband or wife, and similarly it is encouraged that the children help their (single) parents find husband or wife, but it is not obligatory for any of them to do so unless there is a necessity, e.g. marriage is not obligatory but only encouraged but there may arise situations that it will become obligatory, then helping the one who needs to marry can be obligatory, either for the parents or the children depending on the issue.

See e.g. here as a reference, the webpage is available in Persian and Arabic, and the answer is given by scholars and also contains a Fatwa.

and last but by no means least, fathers have Wilayah over their sons and Wilayah of fathers of fathers are always greater, they can make a Mustahab or Makruh to turn into a Wajib or Haram, although they are encouraged never to use this authority of them unless necessary since they will be questioned for how much trouble they have produced for their children at the Day of Judgment. For example if I want to marry a girl and my father simply says "no!", even if that girl is perfect in every respect marriage with her would be Haram for me unless my father or his father allow me again. Similarly if I don't want to marry at all and my father commands to me to marry that special girl I have no way other than to obey. I have personally checked this law of Allah, Allah will put the best for the children in obedience of their parents as long as this doesn't include committing any sin, even if the father's command is wrong! Him being wrong will be bad for himself at the Day but anyway the goods for the children is in obeying him in Dunya. However, all these have some exceptions, for example if a girl wants to marry a guy that is proper for her in every respect, she needs to marry and also likes to marry with that guy, but the father of the girl doesn't let her so and there is no other guy at the time that she can marry with, then irrespective of her father she can marry with that guy and of course she would be responsible for her choice and her father will be responsible for him banning his daughter from that marriage and pushing her into mental and maybe bodily troubles. Therefore, Fatwa can change from case to case and you may like to investigate more around your special case.

Godspeed

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  • This is basically the type of answer I am looking for, but with sunni references. Everything you have said here is very logical and makes sense. – user3550 Feb 4 '14 at 9:53
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First of all, fatwa is to be taken as an opinion from a learned person. It is to be judged on the logic that person is giving for his opinion. You may choose to follow it if you are convinced on his logic or not. Of course, if we get anything from our prophet (PBUH) himself, on some particular issue, no other person's opinion is worth considering.

Islam considers family as an institution. This institution is formed when a marriage takes place. In this institution, the husband takes responsibility for all financial matters for his wife and children. To fulfil this responsibility he should be financially independent himself at the time of marriage. It is parents responsibility to arrange for his marriage, after that he should (mostly) be on his own feet.

There can be special cases where parent may help him out after marriage, e.g. Some illness where the son is not able to earn for it himself.

It is not that relations between parent and son is severed after marriage and they don't have any responsibility of each other. Islam gives a lot of importance to blood relations. Had the financial support from parents ended at time of son's marriage, there would not have been any part in father's will for his son. But we know that Quran has explicitly specified son's share in his parents will.

So the financial support of fathers remains till his death.

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  • Can you please provide evidence from quran/hadith/fatwa that the father is responsible for his sons wedding and that the father must pay for it? – user3550 Jan 28 '14 at 19:30

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