I have been married for 7 years. During this time, since the day of my nikah, my husband has taken absolutely no financial responsibility for me. I work and take care of myself. I have explained my situation below - I am very upset and would welcome guidance on best islamic approach to take. Jazakallah

  1. For 7 years my husband has taken no financial responsibility for me.
  2. For 5 years my husband has not been working. So, in addition to caring for myself, I have also covered all his expenses, and ran the home (mortgage, bills, food, day to day expenses, purchased car for myself and husband and covered any work needed in the house, in addition I have paid for every single item in the house).
  3. My husband has been working now for 1 year but only in the last 2 months has he stated to cover the household expenses, I still cover my expenses, and his, and still contribute where needed
  4. For the past year I have been very sick - I was advised by all my doctors to stop working, I handed in my resignation but my husband insisted I withdrew it as he could not run the house without my financial input so I returned to work ill and in pain.
  5. During my illness my husband has not cared for me much, I have attended most appointments and treatments alone. I have continued to cook and clean in addition to going into work whenever i was fit enough to do so
  6. I am now pregnant but i have been very ill, my husband has again not cared for me at all and when I suggested I stop working again insisted I continue.
  7. To this day my husband has not paid for anything for me nor has he ever bought me a gift or token of love or consideration.
  8. We have been arguing a lot this past 6 months about his lack of care consideration and love for me, a few days ago he finally admitted that he cared for me but did not love me as a husband should love his wife but considered me more like a sister.

I am disgusted, upset, feel betrayed used and now that I am pregnant and need my husband the most and need care and support he has abandoned me. He says that despite him seeing me more as a sister we should continue to live as husband and wife and stay married I cannot do this I got married to have a husband and after all the sacrifices I have made the effort and commitment and hard work I have put into this marriage with nothing ever given to me in return. I feel, I deserve better than this - I am considering divorce but feel scared and vulnerable due to my current condition.

Your advise greatly welcomed. Thank you.

  • 1
    Sorry to hear about your situation. Have you considered seeing someone for marriage counselling? Maybe a third party perspective would help your husband see the injustice/hurt he is causing?
    – green4rrow
    Dec 3 '13 at 8:46
  • 1
    I am sorry to read about you situation and wish the very best... In Quran it is stated that before divorce there should be put some effort into solving the problem(s) - explicitely mentioned is taking one person from both families (husband and wife) to help in counseling the couple... have you both tried this?
    – Yahia
    Dec 3 '13 at 9:53
  • I agree with Yahia. You should discuss this with your parents and gathered the elders of both families. INSHALLAH some thing will sort out. May ALLAH help you ... Aameen Dec 3 '13 at 10:49
  • I have discussed this with my husband so many times but he does not seem to understand or care ... we have also discussed this twice now with his mother who spoke with him and agreed he was doing wrong, he commited changes to his mother also but again has not seen any of these through. We have separated on and off this past 2 months several times, the most at any time has been 5 days. He left the house this weekend and so far has not contacted me even once, not even to see if I am OK as I am constantly ill or to ask after the baby given pregnancy is considered high risk, i am v upset and hurt
    – H Malik
    Dec 3 '13 at 20:14
  • My mother has passed away and father is very ill - so I have no one from my family to involve. I cant see how I can live with a man who I have done everything for and still he does not appreciate me, and who considers me his sister and not his wife - how can I relax and be open and relaxed in the company of a man who considers me a sister rather than a wife
    – H Malik
    Dec 3 '13 at 20:16

Salaams sister,

I am sorry to hear about your difficulties in married life and please be strong and hope to Allah to guide you to do the right thing.

As a Muslim man, I can say that your husband has failed in his duties to you and your relationship. I cannot understand how he can behave this way and you need to involve people experienced in marriage counseling. Please find counseling as soon as possible, they should put all your available options in front of you and also advise you on either trying to make the marriage work or separation/divorce. Divorce is the last option and you should always seek Allah's guidance and mercy and I hope this comes to you soon.


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