Obedience and final decisions in marriage between husband and wife?

Question

This is something that is debated about endlessly in my opinion, and also a cause for grief between the partners in a marriage.

Could someone categorically, with proof and evidence from Quran and Sunnah show what the strongest opinion is on the following:

1. What does obedience in a marriage really mean?
2. If husband and wife disagree about something and cannot come to a decision then who should make the final call?

Answer 1

A quote from Prophet Muhammad(PBUH):

كُلُّ نَفْسٍ مِنْ بَنِي آدَمَ سَيِّدٌ؛ فَالرَّجُلُ سَيِّدُ أهْلِهِ، وَالمَرْأَةُ سَيِّدَةُ بَيْتِهَا.

All sons of Adam are kings- men ruling over their families and women over their houses.

Reference: Nahj al Fasahah_ p27

Answer 2

men are quick to say men should take the final call, but I would recommend taking it case by case and checking each individual issue against the Qur'an and hadeeth.

the reason I say this is because in the Qur'an it says that you may dislike some thing in a woman but Allah may like it (4:19)

so simply take it case by case. BUT there are certain issues where there is no right or wrong way its just two different ways ( like color of a room or color of a car ). In such cases i think men should give in. simply because Qur'an (4:19) calls men to be kind to their wives and then says that if you dislike a thing in your wife ,Allah might like.

BOTH man and woman should remember these trivial issues are not worth the peacefulness within a family and on children.

Below is the verse that talks about kindness to wives and explains that our dislikes are not important in front of Allah's likes.

O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion. And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good. (Quran 4:19)

Also, in the famous last sermon of the Prophet(pbuh) he said

Fear Allah concerning women, for verily you have taken them on the security of Allah and have made their persons lawful unto you by words of Allah.

This instruction is a very clear that we will be accountable for our women to Allah.

FYI...I am a man.