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Assalamu alaikum
I have a question regarding this hadith that states:

If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.

The thing is my sister is going through a really bad problem right now. My parents have FORCED her into marrying a religious guy that she really does not like. They use this hadith against her and say that we are afraid Allah (SWT) will punish you with fit nah.

She has tried to open her heart for him but they have nothing in common and not because of how religious he is. She even said she'll find another guy who can be just as religious as long as the thought of getting married to him feels right. They are so different that you can some what know how the marriage would turn out.

The thing is my parents have given no choice and she's currently going through a mental, physical and emotional break down that astaghfirullah but I wouldn't be surprised if she has decided to turn to suicide or run away. Even her faith in islam is deteriorating because marriage has always been a big deal in her life and she thinks this is all a punishment.

Please let me know what is right and what is wrong. This problem is affecting the whole family and i'm afraid it will blow up and something tragic will happen..

JazakAllah Ps. Please provide hadiths so I can provide to my parents

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Just to be sure, did your parents read any "tafseer" for this Hadith or did they interpret it by themselves? –  Songo Mar 23 at 14:47
    
Um i'm not too sure. I think they took the hadith as what it is and says. If a religious person asks for your daughter, accept otherwise corruption and tribulation will be upon you. Is there a tafseer that would explain this hadith in depth? –  Diva Mar 24 at 9:23
    
this is a fatwa demanding question, and fatwas to these questions already exist all over the web. a very well elaborated answer can be found in this page –  MAKZ Mar 24 at 20:12
    
Your sister may not be entirely wrong. Refer to the case of the Prophet's (SAWS) cousin, Zaynab (RAA), who was initially married to the Companion Zayd (RAA). The Prophet (SAWS) had them married he (Zaid) was a pious man but Zaynab did not like him, and her dislike for her husband was clearly evident, so that Zaid (RAA) asked the Messenger's (SAWS) permission to divorce her. I don't know if this would fit perfectly in your sister's case, but I would ask you to find a scholar who can guide your family in this matter. May Allah conclude this affair with ease for all parties concerned. –  Najeeb Mar 25 at 9:33
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2 Answers 2

It is forbidden in Islam to marry anyone (man or woman) without their will. There is no such thing as a sanctioned forced marriage. This has been mentioned repeatedly in various hadith:

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as having said: "A woman without a husband (or divorced or a widow) must not be married until she is consulted, and a virgin must not be married until her permission is sought. They asked the Prophet of Allah (may peace be upon him): How her (virgin's) consent can be solicited? He (the Holy Prophet) said: That she keeps silence. Sahih Muslim, The Book of Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 008, Number 3303

Also, we don't have to wonder if a forced marriage is allowed or not:

Khansa Bint Khidam said “My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace). He said to me “accept what your father has arranged.” I said “I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.”

He said “then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.” I said “I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them). (Fathul Bari Sharah Al Bukhari 9/194, Ibn Majah Kitabun Nikah 1/602)

Further, it is a condition of the nikah that there is free will and consent from all parties.

I believe what is meant in the hadith you have mentioned is guidance in choosing mates for their daughters. If you have to decide between someone, choose the person that is religious and pious versus someone that has wealth, beauty or other qualities. The same guidance has been given to men when choosing wives:

“A woman (or man) may be married for four things: for her wealth, for her noble descent, for her beauty or for her religion. Choose the one who is religious, lest your hands be rubbed with dust!” (Bukhari and Muslim)

It is not implied in the hadith that ignore everything else about the match and simply marry the most religious man to your daughter against her will.

The Quran also states the same (as pointed out):

O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may Take away part of the dower ye have given them,-except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good. 4:19

If you read the tafsir behind this ayat:

Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas: "About the Qur'anic verse: 'It is not lawful for you forcibly to inherit the woman (of your deceased kinsmen), nor (that) ye should put constraint upon them.' When a man died, his relatives had more right to his wife then her own guardian. If any one of them wanted to marry her, he did so; or they married her (to some other person), and if they did not want to marry her, they did so. So this verse was revealed about the matter. (Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 11, Number 2084)

It is clear that forced marriage is not allowed.

May Allah give her patience in this time and strength of will - and bless her parents with guidance.

Finally, she (not her parents) should do istikhara so that the confusion from her current state can be clarified by Allah.

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Two major points:

  • The Hadith you mentioned is actually a fabricated hadith. The Prophet NEVER said this. It's collected in two books: Jami at-Tirmidhi and Sunan ibn Majah, and BOTH of the isnads are inauthentic.

And it's also mistranslated from Arabic to English.

  • Allaah has strictly forbidden forcing women to marry. In Surah an-Nisa' 4:19 =

*O you who have believed, it is forbidden for you to inherit women by compulsion... *

This ayah is general and forbids anyone from having a woman with compulsion or against her will.

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According to sunnah.com/urn/1262860, the hadith is da'if, not fabricated. Do you have any references supporting your claim of fabrication? –  goldPseudo Mar 24 at 21:13
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I searched online again and it states that the prophet did say it -->The Prophet (p.b.u.h.) said: "If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude please you, then marry (your female relative who is under your care) to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption." (al-Tirmidhi and classed as Saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi, 1084). I also forgot to mention that my parents have imams and sheiks as friends and when my sister has approached them about this situation all of them mentioned this hadith. –  Diva Mar 24 at 23:43
    
@Diva please you, then marry your female relative to him . this for the guardian, ie, the guardian is urged to accept the proposal. but mariage cannot proceed further without the consent of the girl. –  MAKZ Mar 25 at 7:44
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